Rachel Whisman

Patience pushed. Anger exposed. Bitterness trying to take root. A couple of years ago I experienced one of the most difficult years of my career. I had a student who did not like obeying the rules in the classroom. When I would follow through with my classroom management plan, there would be yelling in my face, and throwing items at times in my classroom. I would receive the proper help, but it was challenging to go through that every day. You might think, that’s just one student, but it was hard to bounce back and return to taking care of all the other students I had. He would test the boundaries every day and it was exhausting. Most of the time, I think he thought to himself, “Would Ms.Whisman keep her ground and follow through with disciplining me or am I going to get away with it?”

 When I read in 1 Peter, “Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.”. I did NOT think this rebuke and exhortation would come from an eight-year-old child. Every. Single. Day. I wish I could say I was exaggerating, but I am not. In my mind, I’d think. “How dare he talk to me this way!” “I should never be treated this way,” “Do they not know that I am an adult? I should be respected. I deserve to be respected. Am I not pouring my heart and soul into teaching him?” What my student did was wrong. I say these things not to excuse his behavior, but to highlight the posture of my heart. A posture that was bent inward toward selfishness. Sin was evident and the Lord was working. He was chiseling it away bit by bit. It hurt. Eventually, it got to the point where his behavior became so heightened over the school year that my student was removed from my classroom for the week. It was a needed break, but what happened next I was not prepared for. 

One morning, the normal routine went into play as I picked up my class from specials first thing in the morning. They came and I started walking back to class, but I noticed that my student, who had been out of my classroom, was trailing behind. He’s off in the distance walking in with another adult and before our class goes in I shout, “Have a great day!” He hears me and quickly turns and comes towards me. Even though we had many hard times, I still loved this kiddo. In my mind, I guess he didn’t hear me, so I waited. When he came close, I gave him a side hug and despite all the pain, frustration, and patience I have been through with him I told him, “I love you, have a great day!” Instantly, he looked at me and his eyes sunk with depth and then he turned to me and asked me, “Ms.Whisman, why does my heart feel like that when you say I love you?” I am caught off guard, confused, and taken aback. A bit shocked, I responded to him with “Is it a good or bad kind of feeling?” He quickly replies, “It’s a little bit of good and a little bit of bad.” I don’t press further, but just remind him that I will always love him and to have a great day. He returns to the other teacher and I return to my class. 

The moment passed, but his words stayed with me. As the day carried on, I continued to dwell on what he asked me, “Why does my heart feel like that when you say I love you?” No one had ever responded to me in that way before. It was so precise and cut to my heart. I want to think that he answered “a little bit of bad” because he was grieved that his actions had caused him to hurt me or that he was saddened that he was separated from his class. I want to hope that he said “a little bit of good” because he knows that I care so much about him. Ultimately, I don’t know, but it made me wonder what it would be like if the roles were reversed between me and my student but with God in it. 

Am I not just like my students though at times? Do I not yell with my heart towards God for the things I want? Do I not revile Him when He doesn’t give me what I want and when I want it? I do all the things in 1 Peter. Yet, despite all the pain, grievances, and frustration, God is patient, bears with us in long-suffering, and yet continues to tell us that He loves us. He does it all because He loves us. We don’t deserve to be told that we are loved by God, yet He chooses to flood us with those words and remind us of who He is with them. In Psalm 18:19 He says, “He brought me into a broad place; he rescued me, because He delighted in me,” and in Jeremiah 31:3, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.” 

So, how does my heart respond when God says that He loves me? Honestly, I think I get squeamish at times because I want to present myself better to Him. I want to do what Adam and Eve did in the garden and fix myself up. Cover what I know is broken, but thankfully the Lord intruded on their plans and came to them. Just like He came to them, so did Christ come down to us to save us. Other times, I brim with excitement hearing those words. My response might change just like the wind does. As the beauty of sanctification unfolds, I do desire that the latter response will be the dominant posture of my heart. In the meantime, it is good to know that His love towards us will not change. Our God is immutable, He never changes. As sure as He was in declaring His love in the above scriptures is just as sure and strong as today and in the future. He will always love us. Great is His faithfulness. 

Now to you, how does your heart respond when you hear the Lord say to you “I love you”? However it may be for you, may our hearts be quickened to respond as David did in Psalm 18:1-3.

 “I love you, O LORD, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies.”