Rachel Whisman

But what if I am

Being faithful to the Bride of Christ and serving her, yet having no groom. 

What if I am… 

Asking and pleading, but the only response I get is an unopened door. 

What if I am… 

Pursuing you with all that I am, yet still disgruntled that I struggle with this darkness of discontent.

What if I am… 

To be single for the rest of my time; will you change my desires? 

What if I am…

Your daughter in distress? Oh Lord, help me…

To me He replies,

But what if I am doing more than you can ask, think, or imagine? 

I am not a what-if game, but your great I am. 

I am your eternal groom, even if no one steps into the room. 

I am near you as you draw near to me. 

I am the piercing light in this darkness of discontentment. 

I am the God of clarity, and not of confusion. 

I am not weak in dealing with you, but powerful among you.

I am your creator, and I do know what is best for you. 

I am with you always; that is my vow because you are precious in my eyes and I love you.

How This Came To Be

Waves of discontentment come and go in singleness. Some days are easier, and I am in utter bliss, while others are a struggle. Yet, where, or who, do you crash upon when the torrents are mighty? Do you crash upon your misery, and self-pity, or bring them to the Rock of Ages? As Spurgeon says, “I have learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Age.” Do you make a beeline to our Father or your feelings? To complain, or to submerge your discontentment with the truths of scripture and prayer?

I am guilty that I have counted my feelings more significant than the promises of scripture. I wallow in my self-pity and forget who God is. I think my desires and will are more important than what the Lord sees as best. I am not perfect, but I am continually learning how God uses these times to expose my true heart’s motivation and work out in me endurance and repentance (Romans 5:3-5, James 1:2-4). More times than not, He reveals how I am trying to spend them on my passions and pleasures and not His own (James 4:1-4). My sin can twist good things, even marriage, into a crown of entitlement that I wear, that then places demands on the Lord instead of surrendering and entrusting myself to our faithful creator (1 Peter 4:19). I wrote this because sanctification in singleness looks messy at times and it is not always neat and orderly. I think singles can relate to this. I am a hot mess at times, but God knows that. His kindness is what leads us to repentance, not our perfection in handling our circumstances (Romans 2:4). In His kindness, He reminds us who He is even when we don’t understand what He is doing.

A Charge To The Single Woman

So single woman…Are you preparing for when the swell of discontentment will come? For it will come whether in singleness or the next stage of life. Are you, “preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, setting your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 1:13). We change from one degree of glory to the next, not from one degree of glory to perfection (2 Corinthians 3:18).  We do this by Christ being our bedrock of hope. Since He is our foundation, we have much to hope in, “for it is God who works in you both to will and to work for His good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13). He is the source of our strength, and as someone once said, “We work out the salvation He worked for us.” Are you changing more into his image? If so, praise the Lord. Keep going; there is hope. Yet, what does this look like? How do I “prepare my mind” and “set my hope fully on Him”? It looks like the following: 

Continually ask the Lord to be your all. It might sound like this: “Lord, do whatever it takes to make me love you more. Grow my love for you! I am not stuck. You can change what I love, and may it be you more and more each day.” “May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ” (2 Thessalonians 3:5). 

Keep abiding in time with the Lord. “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst” (John 6:35). Listen as well to John 15:5, “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” 

Keep your nose in the Bible. “So shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it” (Isaiah 55:1). 

Keep bringing your requests to God. He is your Father. You are His daughter. Go to Him. “Cast ALL your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7). 

Keep submitting to your heavenly Father; he knows what is best. “Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones” (Proverbs 3:7-8). And remember Psalm 116:7: “Return oh my soul to your rest; for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.” 

Keep serving your local Church and others around you. Jesus is our example. He is leading us and we can follow in His footsteps. “Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 2:4-5).

Single woman, there is hope. You are not alone. Your circumstance is not unique, and God is faithful (1 Corinthians 10:12). May you be encouraged by these promises of scripture, and may you be the iron that sharpens others in all that you say, do, and think. I leave you with this quote. I pray it awakens your heart to see the beauty of what we have in Christ.

“Who should complain of losses, who has Christ? He is the Father’s brightness, His riches, and His delight. Is there not enough in Christ to delight the heart of God? And is there not enough in Him to ravish us with His holy delight? He is wisdom to teach us, righteousness to acquit us, and sanctification to adorn us. He is the royal and priestly gift. He is the bread of angels and the joy and triumph of saints. He is ‘all in all’ (Eph 1:23). Why then are you discontented? You have Him for whom all things are loss (Phil. 3:8)…Be content if God dams up your outward comforts, so that the stream of your love may run faster another way.”

-Thomas Watson, The Art of Divine Contentment, pg. 46-47,49