Rachel Whisman

Perfectionism looms heavily over one of my students. It is a dark cloud that constantly drags, demands, and only leaves them feeling sullen and unforgiving. I was walking around the room checking on another students’ work when I noticed out of the corner of my eye, this student was starting to boil with frustration as she erased her last sentence with vigor. When I arrived, I saw that some of her paper was torn and asked, “What’s going on?” As she looked up to me, a mixture of aggravation and annoyance seized her. She responded as tears unlocked her heart’s true devotion, “Ms.Whisman, it has to be perfect.” 

Bewildered, I questioned her, “Who told you that it has to be perfect?” With resolve through her tumultuous emotions and quivering lips, she sternly said, “Me. I have to do it perfectly. I have to be perfect.” I quickly countered and locked eyes with her, “You are never going to be perfect. I do not expect you to be. Your mother does not. Nor should you. Your life is going to be miserable if you live under the assumption that you can do it all.” 

Instantly she replied as her cheeks were stained with tears, “But I have to do it perfectly. I just have to.” Met by my fierce determination, I gently spoke and leveled my gaze with her, “No you don’t. You are going to make mistakes. Perfection is unattainable. You will never get there and to think you can is a miserable life to lead. Do I expect you to try your best and strive for excellence? Yes. Is that the same as perfection? No. You will never be perfect. We all need help. We can’t do it on our own. I can’t do it on my own. I need help too.” Shockingly, she took some deep breaths, then addressed me with calmness and shared, “Ms.Whisman I needed that. You really helped me and calmed me down.” Dumbfounded that a second grader could vocalize their appreciation, I gave her a reassuring side hug and told her to try again and she did.  

Our lives are not in a second grade classroom, at a desk, trying to complete an assignment in pristine condition, but we are in the school of life. We try to master the “to-do” list and get it all done before the clock strikes twelve. Our sight might rely steadily in the mirror contemplating what needs to be fixed or adjusted to satisfy the applause of ourself or those around us. It could be the mirage that your try to fix of a perfect family, job, marriage, or singleness to gain favor with yourself and others. Yet, it always falls shorts. Expectations are not met. Hopes and dreams are dashed, and our hearts respond in the same way my student did with tears and frustration rattling her body. 

Perfectionism is a god that can’t be conquered with our own grit and tenacious spirits. Miserable lives are left in its wake. Christ is the only victor because he is the only one that lived a perfect life and could destroy this stronghold. Destitute and dependent we were for his help for salvation, would we not need to be continually dependent for our sanctification? We work from his perfection as he breathes life into our sanctification. His completeness compels us and is the driving force to do our work with excellence not the other way around. We do not do work to become perfect or gain favor, but rest in his wholeness to empower us to do the work that will glorify him and not ourselves. On earth, you will never be made perfect, but our hearts do long for that because, “He has set eternity in the human heart” (Ecclesiastes 3:11). We long for the wrong to be made right, the impure to become pure, and ourselves to be glorified and made whole because we will then get to see and savor Jesus. 

Until that day, it will not be perfect. We will stumble, fall, and make mistakes. Do you live in that reality? If not, then you are placing yourself in the same position as our God, who is the only one who has always been perfect. We are to serve Christ and not perfectionism because we have a resounding hope, “that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6). May that be what calms your heart and reassures you. His power, strength, and sustainability, not yours. He started it; He will finish it. He does not expect you to be perfect, but to continue turning to Him for help from the one who is.